General Forum

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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant -
"Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year.
Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there
airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but
that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten
dollars."

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said,
"Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year
I may never get another chance."

Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars,
and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a
deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet
for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you,
but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds
of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard.
He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did
everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you
didn't."

Fred replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Edna
fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

i'm looking for someone who knows about romania and is willing to be my guide in october. any questions post them here.

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.

As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her
on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.

This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.

He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.

Be strong, honey, I love you, too."

..... if I was the only guy on the planet I would still have to visit cc in order to have a sex life :D

she is a really good friend here and a good personne.u can go see her and u will be happy because she a nice personne u can talk with and u will become friend with her really soon.i know her for a long time and she really a good host here because she sweet and easy to be in her charm too.if u need a good friend here u will find the best u can have here.i hoppe that many people will go see her,u will dont regret it because even of her age she really sweet and she will never judge u.

How do you think?
I have most members form the USA and UK but I think I have Americans more.

My good friend the wonderful xgalaxyx has changed her id to galaxylovesU. She is jut a one charming lady great time i have had with her. Beautiful and brainy she knows how to keep her man happy.!!!!! great going Galaxy!!!!!

An Englishman goes to Australia with his wife; they stay in a 5 star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving along the road, his wife asks,
"Look! What is that man doing with that kangaroo?"
The man replies, "My God! Don't look, it's disgusting!"
Further down the road the wife says, "Look, another one!" and the husband says,
"Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel."
They arrive back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and says to the manager,
"Look, we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a drover in copulation with a kangaroo. Further on, more recurrences of the same thing. Then we get back here only to find a man with one wooden leg, masturbating on your front steps. Well, what do you have to say about that?"
The manager says, 'S'truth mate, you expect a man with one wooden leg to catch his own kangaroo?"
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A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There, he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large. Then they walk around the station a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Beer Prayer

Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk ( I will be drunk )
At home as if in tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage's
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not to incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, the lager
For ever and ever....

Barmen

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The Beer Prayer

Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk ( I will be drunk )
At home as if in tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage's
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not to incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, the lager
For ever and ever....

Barmen

I have given up on using my new English make can opener..
I tried 4500 times to open one can..

I guess I'll fish the old Aussie made one from the trash.. it's a bit rusty but it works.. :-D

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Three nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.

He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives

that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth

and be anyone you want to be."



The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and

*poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and

*poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says;

"I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

He reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it back to her and says

"No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline'

that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

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A girl goes round to visit her neighbour Sally when she notices some freshly cut flowers lying on the table.
" Are those from your husband?" she asks
Sally nods and puts the kettle on
" I suppose you will be lying flat on your back later with your legs spread and up in the air then " she says to Sally sarcastically
"Oh God no" says Sally " I 'll just put them in a vase"

Months of sexual frustration force a couple to seek advice from a marriage councillor. After abrief chat with both of them to find out the root of thier problems he suggests some new sexual positions to spice up thier love life. "For example" he says "why not try the wheel barrow position? Lift her by the legs ,penetrate her and off you go"
The couple head off home relly excited and ready to begin. The husband suggests trying the wheelbarrow position as soon as they get home. "Okay" says the wife "but on two conditions. First if it hurts you must stop ! and second...promise me we won't go past my mothers"

If anyone in kiev could help i would like to find an internet cafe that has yahoo video availible . i know there are several cafes there and have called a couple but english is not spoken by most .

??? gone ??

Im sorry in advance...:DD

What is the difference between a paycheque and a penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheque.

http://intelligence-test.net/part2/

http://intelligence-test.net/part1/

75,65$ for 1 barrel!!!!! :O:O:O

...what would you do if you had 1million dollars?

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